| It's a COMPLETE REVERSAL.
Whatever that's suppose to mean.
I think I've always envied some
people for having pretty cool and
original names on the internet like
natalie's sodapopsuicide yep
so
I decided that I really didn't like
having the 02 after my name all
that much and I'm not sure why
I had it at all to begin with, so I
can call this the COMPLETE
REVERSAL! New everything for
me. Guess what my Livejournal,
xanga, and screen name are going
to be now?
Heya |
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|
High and Mighty Color's Groover album just for you guys. I made this
link for Alex, but I thought I would offer it T__T (It's of a japanese
sense, so natalie wouldn't want it :P) |
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| It strikes me that there seems to be a problem with people
these days. I'm not sure what it is, but everyone seems so dull to me
now. When I talk to people, interact with people, I can't help but try
to strain to smile. It's almost as though nothing interests me in
people anymore, and I really think that's quite sad. Maybe it's just a
problem with me though, but it seems as though every new person I meet
is boring and doesn't live up to my expectations, even some old friends
are becoming rather useless.
I'm not sure how I've changed, but I think writing everything I'm thinking of down will help a bit. Bear with me?
In 9th grade, I really felt a special sense of awakening as I
was forming into a better person. I had my morals set down, I had my
ideals all worked out, and I had the perfect plan of how to be the
perfect person. Someone who was compassionate, reliable, and all around
warm and friendly. I had religion to provide me with truth, I had
friends that meant the world to me... I don't see what changed with me.
I have some flaw in me that I can't seem to find out. It's a flaw in
itself, but it seems I'm having a hard time discovering this onee. I
don't respect many of my friends anymore, I have a disregard for
compassion, and my general despise towards other people increases as
the days go by. There's something wrong I believe. Something cold. Like
Emmy told me that she remembers when she was first my friend, I was so
much warmer and less cold than today. I don't know what's going on.
Part 1. I was reading alot of my older posts and alot of my older ideas and thoughts. I came across.
December 24:
1.) Keep your morals, don't become a bad person
2.) Remember your ultimate goal in life
3.) Salvation is hard
"I noticed today that I have a very good tendency
to become a very cold person when I want to. I can say the meanest
things to people and I can think the most horrible thoughts about
people and realize it is bad. I know that I shouldn't, but I still do,
and it really scares me.I don't want to be a bad person. I want to show
endless compassion and love and kindness and everything else everyone
wants in a person. Please don't hate me for anything I do, or anything
I say to hurt your feelings? I joke alot, I know that, and I make
personal insults in order to joke, but I always hope that you laugh
with me because I always want to laugh with you. When I insult you, I
never mean it and you shouldn't take it either. When anything happens,
I think you should confront me and try to get me to change alright?
Instead of even trying to
agree with that last sentence, I just quit being friends with people
now, or at least sever a bit of the relationship if anything bad
happens. I don't understand why I keep thinking this now. I don't even
want to resolve the problem. I think it's easier to just quit and
whatnot... I dunno.
Suffice to say... I do value a
certain 4 people more than anything else. I think they are my sole
redemption to this mind plague I've been having. They are the only ones
who understand me, try to understand me, or have stuck with me all this
way. Even if I am horrible sometimes, I think they understand me. I hate doing this type of stuff, because it shows what an idiot I am at making posts, but in the pure spirit of communication I guess I will :)
Natalie,
Alex, Theresa, and Emmy, you guys better stick it with me or I'll
probably die. I depend on you guys for comfort now, so you better still
be there when I'm searching for solace.
We are gonna stick it through :P
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| My eyelids
grow saggy
T______T
Need Sleep
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| Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Tehehe. The irony
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